Side Effects Of love

At my age, and with what little I have seen and experienced in life; I can say that the looks of a man may be great for wallpaper but the soul of a man is his worth.

It cliche I know, but it happens to be the truth in most cases or maybe it is just my string of bad luck that I seem to take everywhere with me.

I can understand confidence, I can't understand arrogance. I have been in situations where by I have heard a man speak and thought, oh wow, you should've stayed silent because you are wonderful to gaze upon but the rot coming outta your mouth is pretty incredibly surprising for a face and body like that. LOL.Same with women.

No judgments. 

I know now how shallow it is to base who you will date based on their looks.

I know now how shallow it is to put a figure on the type of man you are willing to date.

I know now that love may not exist, it's just a fragment of your imagination that you so badly want to believe because that is what everyone says they are having.

I know now that people will use and abuse you just so long as you let them.

I know now that walking away from a toxic relationship is the hardest thing to do for anyone.

I also know that loneliness can cripple you, render you unable to feel or to be.

Brick Walls

The thing about dating a man with a lot of money is that is he always away making the money we oh so love to spend.

One day you realize that the black card is not your partner, yes it is great to have but it is not your man. You get lonely and find things to occupy your time because working and exercising are not enough anymore. Keeping fit seems pointless when he only want to see you out of the clothes you spend such precious time picking out. His good looks suddenly don't mean anything.

Wine becomes a part of your daily nutrition, that expensive salad becomes meaningless because quite honestly,you can make it yourself. 

Temptation sinks in and you start to play with fire, knowing that fire burns. Yet with every glass, every bottle and every sexual high with countless faces nothing is quite the same as this elusive lover you are frozen in time for,waiting.

You yearn for human contact, even at the most basic level, even if it is a bare conversation. You are locked in an emotional prison. Then you start to have dirty little secrets, why not because you know there is a woman somewhere in some city that he jets into that warms his bed at his whim. Yes, because just like you-his money and wealth will attract others too.

You miss birthdays, anniversaries, Christmases just because you call that neat little arrangement love.

Love is not supposed to be pain and devastating.

How much is it worth? 5 million? 10 million? Perhaps 50 million?