Side Effects Of love

At my age, and with what little I have seen and experienced in life; I can say that the looks of a man may be great for wallpaper but the soul of a man is his worth.

It cliche I know, but it happens to be the truth in most cases or maybe it is just my string of bad luck that I seem to take everywhere with me.

I can understand confidence, I can't understand arrogance. I have been in situations where by I have heard a man speak and thought, oh wow, you should've stayed silent because you are wonderful to gaze upon but the rot coming outta your mouth is pretty incredibly surprising for a face and body like that. LOL.Same with women.

No judgments. 

I know now how shallow it is to base who you will date based on their looks.

I know now how shallow it is to put a figure on the type of man you are willing to date.

I know now that love may not exist, it's just a fragment of your imagination that you so badly want to believe because that is what everyone says they are having.

I know now that people will use and abuse you just so long as you let them.

I know now that walking away from a toxic relationship is the hardest thing to do for anyone.

I also know that loneliness can cripple you, render you unable to feel or to be.

Brick Walls

The thing about dating a man with a lot of money is that is he always away making the money we oh so love to spend.

One day you realize that the black card is not your partner, yes it is great to have but it is not your man. You get lonely and find things to occupy your time because working and exercising are not enough anymore. Keeping fit seems pointless when he only want to see you out of the clothes you spend such precious time picking out. His good looks suddenly don't mean anything.

Wine becomes a part of your daily nutrition, that expensive salad becomes meaningless because quite honestly,you can make it yourself. 

Temptation sinks in and you start to play with fire, knowing that fire burns. Yet with every glass, every bottle and every sexual high with countless faces nothing is quite the same as this elusive lover you are frozen in time for,waiting.

You yearn for human contact, even at the most basic level, even if it is a bare conversation. You are locked in an emotional prison. Then you start to have dirty little secrets, why not because you know there is a woman somewhere in some city that he jets into that warms his bed at his whim. Yes, because just like you-his money and wealth will attract others too.

You miss birthdays, anniversaries, Christmases just because you call that neat little arrangement love.

Love is not supposed to be pain and devastating.

How much is it worth? 5 million? 10 million? Perhaps 50 million?

UPGRADE your gold digging skills or retire.

When I wrote Barbie VS. Gorilla, I noticed how a lot of ladies wrote me back, messaged me or commented on my social sites accounts about the type of barbies they were.

They were all too happy to tell me how and why  they were better Babries. And how irreplaceable they are because of the rare qualities they assume they know they possess that other Barbies may not have.

I also noticed that these women were on the mature side of the Barbie game, the veterans, of course these young uns’(amateurs) had nothing on their game for with experience had come some sort of smarts about their hustle.

What I also noticed was that nobody aspired to be a gorilla and no gorilla messaged me or commented.

On this hot summer night, with a dust filled skyline, I sit and wonder why all these women who are willing to bend over backwards for a baller are not aspiring to be the gorilla. The psychological dimensions of a woman are truly beyond comprehension but most women do nothing for any apparent reason unless love is involved.

We are natural-born strategists.

So why would a woman pass over being the gorilla; surely this is what it’s all about?

Is it because they know that as soon as they have unlimited access to the wealth, real daily interactions with the baller; they may find themselves more at home baring and raring kids and another Barbie could replace them on the long “working” nights or trips, the dance floor and the booze fuelled parties?

Or is it because just like any sport/profession/software every once in a few years the rules are amended, the software is upgraded and new tools are introduced. So for you to keep up to date and for your skills to be somewhat unrivaled you actually have to be active in the field. You can’t “afford” to be out of play for too long.

A million stars can twirl at once but the real truth is that gold digging is old…gold diggers aspired to be the gorilla.

We have a new generation of women who are PLATINUM DIGGERS, yes you read right. The platinum diggers ship has sailed and if you missed it…well, you can just jump right into the ocean and try to catch it.

Platinum diggers have no primary desire to be the gorilla. They have more than one baller in their pocket at any given time. They are keeping their options open at all times. Business is business, no time to get sentimental and personal.

And the baller knows this and prefers it simply because their families are protected and they too can play field should Barbie #1 decided to sulk. The baller doesn’t mind taking care of Barbie financially because he’s money is just that strong and he knows there’s plenty more fish in the sea that will give up the cookie without him spending as so much as a cent.

Unfortunately, we women reach our “expiration date” quicker than we would like to admit. And in denial of this we come up with a million and one hot arguments as to why we are who we are at a certain stage in our lives.

Keep in mind the expiration date has little to do with child birth but simply in looks, body shape and lifestyle factors. If the expiration date didn’t exist then why would women be worried about settling down (another thing we don’t like to openly admit)?

Superficially Yours

“Love everyone but hang with those who inspire you” -Russell Simmons (@unclerush)

The art of social climbing is a science on its own.

It may sound laughable and may even be ridiculed but social climbers are amongst the smartest people I have even encountered. They are cunning, calculating and strategically witty; they never do anything just for the sake of doing it (like any business persona). They never make friends just for the sake of having friends. A social climber will tell you the same thing any wealthy business man will tell you, “Your net worth is determined by your network”.

The first question a socialite may think when they meet you is, “who do you know that I need to know?”

I personally have a lot of respect for “social climbers” because they had to do a lot more work than everyone else; like to kiss a lot of butts they didn’t like but needed to either get that business going or party in the right circle. They made friends with all the people they don’t sincerely like, they lost touch with their real friends, they became everyone’s acquaintance, they were at some point in time some one’s “Chihuahua’, they have said some things they are not proud of (who hasn’t?), they have had lots of cosmos and mojitos, they have gone bankrupt keeping up with the Joneses but most of all they have acquired what they set out to do.  

Call them what you may but they are GO-GETTER’S Diva’s and Divettes.

Socialites are living the life your dreams are made of.

They figured out a long time to ago that in order for them to earn an ounce of respect or be taken serious in their craft they needed to “connect with people of similar interests”.  They are the people you love to hate but secretly you wish you had that much will power to stay in where you know you wouldn’t be had you not worked hard to belong.

So did they ditch doing it the old fashion way? No, they worked hard alright, they worked harder at knowing all the “right” people (remember how we define right people is personal and differs from person to person) and getting a nod of approval. They just knew to be nice to everyone but show love to those who have the power, money and influence to get them to where they need to go (remember influence is leadership).

Who wouldn’t want that? Who doesn’t want his or her name to be mentioned next to a “who’s who” of a city? Who doesn’t crave to be on the A-List? Truth is someone gets on the A-List by virtue of birth or lineage and the rest either through sincere service or through association (ever heard of guilty by association?). and everyone else who says they couldn’t care less…well casually invite them to a party filled to the brim with shot callers and people of influence in their field of trade and watch what their response is going to be. #PRICELESS

I can’t knock their hustle. And neither should you. This is the world we live in today.

We all need to do what we need to do to get what we think we need.

Your talent is as good as nothing if you don’t get it in with the right crowd (connecting to people of similar interests'. An alternative word would be 'network’), if you are not seen at all the right places to eat and mingle with the mighty muscled-well just pack your bags and go to Pluto. If your bank balance isn’t as strong you just have to kiss more butts, and if you have the money; the world is your oyster. You will have a multitude of friends and everyone will be ready to dish you a little sum sum.

Most just use other people to get what we want out of them, a lot of pretence is needed to get you in the door and Lord knows what else you may need to do to keep you in. In some societies you last name, your money, who you know and at times the color of your skin determines how far you go in the door. If a person sees no “need” to be polite to you then you won’t even get the time of day them because you are a nobody to them ( remember that others have a lot to lose by letting strange people into their lives and being overly nice-you need to earn their trust). Just another biscuit trying to get through the door and who knows; you may end up replacing them on the popular person’s list.

It’s nothing personal; it’s just social-business as it is.

The other side of the coin is there are people who sincerely just want to be friends.

Some people who have worked and provided services and stayed loyal to the worse of the worst. Perhaps even someone from the other side of the tracks who went to a prestigious college and made friends with the Joneses and is liked and loved by that circle. The one who doesn’t have to kiss butt to stay in.

But these come few and far between.

If you really want to become part of the “movers and shakers club” I advise you show up and put in the real work where you need to. You know why? The fashionable set is by its very nature, a pretty superficial bunch, so it doesn’t take a whole lot to impress. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist – just be beautiful and spend money. It’s much more difficult to reach the true “Movers and Shakers” – they are more cerebral, and busy working and traveling, and don’t have much time for nonsense.

 

Barbie VS. Gorilla

It has been said and it is true that beauty will get you inside the door but you will have to be extraordinary to stay in. There has to be something about you that they cannot live without.  Any grown woman will testify to this fact.

Your great body will bring men to their knees; your fabulous hair will have women wishing they knew how you always keep it looking good; your fashion style will be the envy of many. They will all want a little piece of your pie. You will become the IT girl. And if you play it right he just may buy you a car. There are a lot of beautiful young women lurking at every corner, every city in the world is littered with fine young things just waiting for a moneyed man to come along and spend on them. There are a lot of beautiful young women with essence and drive and a little more ambitious than you thought. Barbies are everywhere and a rich man has the capabilities to find and own every single one of them.

It’s the classic tale of married man meets younger, hotter, beautiful woman whom he wants and eventually gets. Of course the ball game is based on just how strong his pockets are. And trust and believe; big ballers are not afraid to spend a little change on their prized possessions. In fact a man who really is into you doesn’t mind spending his money on you, why would he? He likes his toy to be fresh and clean so when another baller comes along she will think a hundred and one times before she jumps ship while it would take him a second to be through with the Barbie. After all he has his gorilla back at home.

The reason why the gorilla is irreplaceable is because she takes care of home. Plain and simple. A smart man knows he can play around but the gorilla is the main squeeze, she can’t be touched. The Barbie’s may have one over her but she’s tattooed permanently on his livelihood.

Gorilla tends to his kids, she licks his wounds when Barbie’s walk out on him, she fixes his dinner, she makes sure the bills are paid on time; she’s the lady in charge of his backbone. She provides the type of stability a Barbie would never be able to provide. If the gorilla leaves, the man’s ego would be wounded worse than what any Barbie could do to him because Barbie’s are replaceable but a gorilla is not.

He may whine and complain about his gorilla (most ballers don’t because that is the ultimate sign of disrespect and as a Barbie you need to appreciate the gorilla and not trash her) but he is not leaving her for the Barbie. He may leave one Barbie for another but the gorilla is the rock.

The gorilla has the power to clean him out, worth much more than 10 Barbie’s combined.

The gorilla was there when the money was just baby money. The Barbie has just arrived and wants to enjoy the warm fruits of the hard work- and he doesn’t mind; the Barbie is good for his ego.

The gorilla may not be interested in bedroom gymnastics and yoga-inspired-by-karma sutra positions which the Barbie will be willing to bend over and stretch.

The gorilla offers the kind of insight he needs, keeps him focused. While with the Barbie he discusses the latest Phantom and whatever she saw on the LV catalogue. He doesn’t mind, as long as his kitty purrs he will spend.

The gorilla is allowed her twenty minutes of threats and drama, the Barbie will be told quite simply to grin and bare it should another hot tottie grab his attention.

The gorilla has the power to keep your man indoors the whole night and off the phone (texting to you) and the Barbie does not have the same power. He can tell her where to get lost while with the gorilla he would end up working at a filling station near the Barbie’s home.LOL.

That’s why smart Barbie’s know when it’s time to move on (and they do so quietly) and that falling in love is not part of the equation. This situation is merely a business transaction that just happens to involve what seems like an emotional blanket but really it is not.

Why is it so easy to replaceable Barbie’s? It’s the power of the things that money can buy and acquire.

And that’s why most Barbie’s really do not mind if he has a ring on his finger, so long as he keeps her laced up and glam’d up in latest fashion, all expenses paid vacations and he is flexible with his bank card. After all, why would a pretty young thing want to hang around with company that doesn’t appreciate how she looks and is interested in keeping her happy no matter what it takes. Truth is all parties involved in this arrangement are happy.  

Yet Barbie’s have the tendencies to forget that the same way he acquired the toy, the same science shall be applied to another. So Barbie’s need to make sure that when she leaves its either she’s satisfied that she had fun or that she will always be missed. To be an irreplaceable Barbie you will need to be a woman of substance, not just fun a parties and yachts’, you will need to put up with a whole lot more than what the gorilla does yet say much less.

When it’s said and done every human being has a price, once you have retained them, they become your possession and you (the player) have the receipt to show for it.

Women: Accept&Embrace

I am all for women empowerment. I support it a 100%. As women, I respect and I am humbled by how far we have come from the days when we were only expected to just bare children and fix dinner and do laundry and make sure the tomatoes are coming up ok. Don’t get me wrong, these are still traditional female roles which I embrace and accept.

I am proud that most women are now receiving some-kind of an education, having careers, holding down more than one job and STILL baring children, fixing dinner, doing the laundry and making sure that the tomatoes are bought on time.LOL. Today, women can be found in almost all fields of work and they excel. What I love about my sisters is that they don’t want to be a model in the office; she wants to get the same treatment the johns are getting in the boardroom. This breed of women is a super woman. She knows that to survive in a male dominated jungle she needs to be able to roar and show her fierceness so she can survive. There is no room for weakness. There is truly nothing that a woman can’t do…or so we think.

The problem I have with this extraordinary woman is that she believes in her own image and shadow so much that she is ready to shoot down anybody or rather any man, verbally, about his manhood. Heck, she is a man herself- she just happens to look like a woman, dress like a woman, speak like a woman, behave like a woman, and needs some good-good just like all women *wink*.  Yes you built your career from scratch and are climbing all the way to the top, yes you can pay your own bills, yes you can afford to vacate anywhere you want and yes you bought yourself that to-die-for ride. These things are material. They can be gone by tomorrow.

We need to stop trying to have all sorts of excuses why we can measure up to men. The truth is simple; we are women because there are things that we can do that men can only dream of, they are men because there are things that they can do that we can only dream off. The strange thing about this situation is that men have learnt to appreciate the things that women are capable of handling well that they (men) cannot. And here we are always trying to outshine and outlast men.

Just because there are things that he can do that I can’t do doesn’t make me any less of a woman.

In fact a sound and mature gentleman will appreciate that I’m a powerhouse in the boardroom, making moves like I’m in a chess game yet I’m still woman enough to admit that I need him.  Women have set such high, unattainable standards that men just don’t even bother with that. And we turn around and name-call the women who say, “hey, I’ma get it anyway I can”.

 I am in no way saying settle or lower your standards. But do know that men are simple beings; we just over complicate their views because we are so busy trying to understand them because we have the need to be equal to them even in things that we have no business being equal to them for.

Some of y’all super woman have erased the male species from your look book because you believe no one is good enough or can handle you.  If a man knows YOU GOT IT LIKE THAT and is still with you, you need to drop the attitude and ride that like a soldier. A man has no problem with your IQ levels and certainly is not intimidated by your bank account. What he actually cannot handle is you reminding him every chance that you can just how you can do for yourself.

NEWS FLASH: you probably never got it good that’s why your attitude is climbing the walls instead of you *hint*.

Ladies; a vibrator is nothing like the real deal. We need to accept and embrace this fact. No amount of lubricant and masturbating and getting ourselves to the destination will ever be just as good as the touch of another, every once in a while. You can try and show your dildo that you are vulnerable but you will get nothing in return as a vibrator cannot open up about its deepest thoughts and dreams to you. You will cuddle your pillow and start fantasizing about your girlfriend’s man.

There is nothing wrong with admitting that you need a man to hold you, there is nothing wrong with admitting that his broke ugly self sends your head spinning in bed. Stop acting like you got it like that because after a few drinks we all know just how badly you need a shag. And there is nothing wrong with the sister who is at home raising her kids while her man is at work. Just like you chose to have a career over nurturing; choose not to belittle her. And quit asking the super powered women who know how to balance child rearing and boardrooms how they manage: they are women- that should be enough for you to know.

You are not less powerful if you have a man to help you out from time to time, physically or otherwise.

The smart women are the ones who know that when it’s all said and done you need that person who will put out all the raging fires of the jungle.*wink*

@MMarcellechic

What is the measure of a man?

What is the measure of a man?

Is it how much money he has in the bank? Is it the power and influence he possesses in society?

Is it how much money he can spend not only on himself but on his chosen bird of the season?

Is it the type of job he has? Is it his level of education rather than his level of intelligence?

Is it the way he rocks his swag or that big turbo engine he has parked in his garage? *wink*

What is the measure of a man?

Maybe it is his spiritual wealth and his rigorous healthy lifestyle determine his worth?

Is it the strength of his religious affiliation?

Could it be his ability to work through your mess while you continue to do him wrong?

Perhaps the measure of a man lies within his loins?

Who determines what and who is man enough? Is it the countless women who say all man are dogs?  Divas you better be careful because DOG spelt backwards is GOD.

Is it possible that men themselves, have imposed on society what they should be viewed as, could it be the over achievers who get enough air time to make sure that the underachievers can never have any piece of that pie.LOL. Have men woven themselves into the cloth they are wearing today, that you can no longer tell the difference between the cloth and the person wearing it.

They all come bearing gifts and promises in some shape or form, but let the truth be told that nothing in this world is free, everything will come with a small price to pay or sacrifices to be made. So you can either play it blind (I know a lot of Divas do) or play it smart.

Money has the power to blind a woman so badly she would marry the Grinch, and when I say Grinch, I’m just talking about the look of the Grinch, remember the Grinch was one mean cuss!

And men know this and use it to their advantage. You see ladies, men are smart yet stupid, but smart nevertheless. Most men have narrowed women to 4 types: iPhone, Blackberry, Nokia and Android.

IPhone- She is classy, expensive looking, she can be useful but better as an accessory for those nights out or office functions. Many men want a woman like this but they forget the configuration of an iPhone is tricky. This woman is smart, she stays ahead.

Blackberry-She presents herself in an affordable way but this girl will wipe your money out and yet you will still want her. She comes across as pretentious.

Nokia- She is simple, easy to maintain and to play around with. Side line chick- a nokia is always that spare phone somewhere in the back of your closet. You need one just in case of emergency.

Android- Treats you well if you know how to treat her well keep her shiny and hope to God she loves you for real. This woman is the all rounder most men don’t know how to handle.

I don’t blame men for turning us into phone technology because that just how we operate as women, hate it or love it. All we need now is a good service provider willing to sustain us and keep our battery power charged. I have a few suggestions for service providers you could try as a woman;

 Zain Telecommunication- He has strong bank account, has good track record of good customer service and its international so you are bound to get an international passport. But he is very possessive, LOL.

Wataniya Telecom- Looks and feels good. Talks more hot air than your cousins and always has some network interference going on.

SwaziMTN- which comes highly un-recommended by previous users, he is highly unreliable, lies through his teeth and is always taking money from you for transport to work.

AT&T- He has some money but you will never really know it because he does a good job at hiding it. He will treat you well if you become his pet. He will mess your life up should you grow some smarts and try to do you. He is a master of manipulation.

Sprint- Oh this guy is flashy, he is willing to buy your love…but keep in mind nothing is free.

T-Mobile – He is simple and down to earth, laid back and works hard most of the time. If you are looking for a functional relationship on a more realistic front.this is your man. Don’t count on going shopping though. LOL.

So we have technically all put ourselves in a box. What is real and what isn’t is entirely up to us to try and find.

Most women say they are looking for a real man. Yet they struggle with their definition of real. I think a real man is the type that will keep it real with himself before he dares to keep it real with you. A man who can be a true friend, a man who has your best interests at heart even if it means your best interests are either not with him or a distance from him, a man who looks out for his team no matter what- without looking for gain, a selfless type of man who is willing to give you his last and never go back and remind you of it. Where are the men who are not afraid for divas to earn more than him, a man who isn’t afraid to support a woman’s dreams because he doesn’t fear her success- he understands that when you shine, he shines. Ladies we need to understand that men are not intimidated by our success; it is how we act or handle our success that makes them seem intimidated, mostly.

A real man is comfortable to let you blossom and spread your wings because what God written nobody has the power to change. He is your financial, business and emotional advisor, he doesn’t impose his ideas and life on you because if it is written that will happen without any force, without notice your lives will become one, embedded in profound respect, love and a deep understanding of your lives as a unit and as individuals.

He doesn’t try to change who you are to suit the vision he has in his mind for you. This man admits to his faults, accepts his shortcomings, deals with his failures in a way that is so mature that his successes shadow the minor speed bumps he comes across. As a man, he will never lay his hands on you, for how can he destroy such a precious work of art that is you.

He is humble and God fearing.

Diva Motto #1: I’m a real woman who knows what she wants and I am at a point in my life whereby I am not afraid to state and go out and get what I want. I am content with all the disappoints I have encountered and I am comfortable to say that I can lay in bed at night by myself without the urgency or fictitious need to have a man lay up in me.